1 John 4:18 (NLT)
“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.”
For many of us, love is the one area of our lives we try the hardest to control. And if we can’t control it, we still do everything we can to make sure it works out the way we hope. But what happens when it doesn’t? I’ve watched people unravel—and not slowly, but fast. The truth is, no matter how much we try to protect our hearts from feeling hurt, let down, disappointed, or even broken, the moment we open ourselves up to loving another person, we take that risk. And this is where 1 John 4 begins to speak right into it. It deals with the very thing we try to avoid—the fear of what love might cost us when we let someone get too close.
We don’t always recognize it right away, but there are moments when we start leaning on people in a way we were never meant to. What begins as something natural—connection, closeness, being understood—can slowly turn into dependence if we’re not careful.
And when that slips into our way of connecting, we can feel it. Something in us knows we’ve placed too much weight on that person. But instead of stepping back and realigning, we often start defending the choice. We justify it. We hold onto it, even when it’s quietly wearing both us and them down.
The truth is, no person was created to carry the kind of expectations we sometimes place on them. Especially for many women, there can be a deep desire for someone to fill emotional spaces that feel overwhelming or empty. But those spaces were never designed to be filled by another human being. And when we try to make someone our source in that way, it will eventually lead to disappointment—not because they’ve failed us, but because they were never built for that role.
That’s why God warns us so clearly in Jeremiah 17:5 (NLT): “This is what the Lord says: ‘Cursed are those who put their trust in mere humans, who rely on human strength and turn their hearts away from the Lord.’”
This doesn’t mean relationships don’t matter. They do. They’re meaningful, and they’re part of God’s design. But they were never meant to be our source.
Still, it’s easy to look to a relationship to answer the deeper questions we carry—what we’re here for, what we should do with our lives, how we’re meant to make a difference. And over time, without even realizing it, that person starts to take the place only God was meant to hold.
But that was never the Father’s design. And when we step outside of that design—even with good intentions—it doesn’t bring peace, it introduces pressure. Because now we’re expecting something from a person that they don’t have the capacity to sustain. And where there’s pressure like that, fear is never far behind.
We can’t afford to let fear settle in our hearts. Because once it does, it doesn’t just sit there quietly—it starts shaping things. It can slowly distort what was once good, what was once open, and what was once aligned with God. That’s why Scripture reminds us so clearly in 2 Timothy 1:7 (NLT), “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”
Your heart is the center of who you are. It’s where your responses come from, where your trust lives, where love flows—or where it gets blocked. And it doesn’t take much to start shutting down. One moment of hurt, one betrayal, or one experience that cuts deeper than you expected can have you building walls almost without thinking.
At first, it feels like wisdom and protection. Like we’re just being careful. But over time, those walls don’t just keep pain out—they start keeping everything out. Even God’s love. And that’s where it becomes a problem. Because now we’re not just guarded—we’re restricted. We’re trying to love, but something feels tight. We’re trying to trust, but something keeps pulling back. And that kind of internal tension… that’s its own kind of torment.
John 4:18 reminds us that fear shows we haven’t fully experienced God’s perfect love. God’s love isn’t meant to scare us—it’s meant to set us free. But when fear takes root in the heart, it blocks the very love that was meant to flow through us, stopping us from living fully, trusting deeply, and loving freely.
So the answer isn’t to shut down, pull back, or stop loving—it’s to realign. To bring your heart back to the place where God is your source and everything else flows from there. Because when His love is what fills you, steadies you, and defines you, fear loses its place. You’re no longer loving from desperation, obsession, or insecurity—but from a place of wholeness. And that frees you to love without pressure, to give without fear, and to trust without losing yourself. Because there is no fear in God’s love—and when you’re rooted in Him, there’s nothing left in you that fear can control. ■
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
“There’s No Fear in God’s Love”, written by Kim Times for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2026. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to inspiring and encouraging Christian Women through the Word of God.