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There are two things that can happen when you grow up around strong women that have survived tremendous struggle and heartache. The first is that their tenacity and grit becomes a witness of courage and faith. The second is that you become intimately acquainted with the severity of how abandonment and infidelity can impact a woman’s life. As I matured, I began to understand why women, having experienced circumstances where every day was a fight for their survival, would have no interest in ever marrying again. And there was also something else that I understood as well. I see it more frequently than I’d care to, and it saddens me. It is a byproduct of facing life’s challenges as a single woman, and it’s feeling that you aren’t a worthy and complete individual if a man isn’t by your side.
Some women will remain in a relationship with partners that tear them down every day. They do this because they feel they’d rather be down with someone than be down alone. We’ve seen family members and other women we know really go through it. Because of this, some of us will teach ourselves to expect less. The downside is that if we expect less, we might begin to groom ourselves to be equal to our low expectations. Psalm 119:105(NLT) tells us, “Your word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path.” God’s Word will open our eyes and cause us to stretch higher in faith, but many of us will not read and study it as we should. Because of this, our eyes remain blinded to what God wants to teach and show us.
A friend of mine had her eyes closed for quite some time, and she has recently had an eye-opening revelation that many women have yet to have. I’ve known Naomi for almost twenty years, and she’s a feisty go-getter. She loves to travel and is a very devoted friend to all that know her. We met up for lunch one Saturday and she apologized for running late. She had a morning class that went over its’ usual time. Naomi had enrolled in a biblical class geared towards emotional healing. She felt so encouraged at the progress she had been making. Her exact words to me were “I’ve been dating my man for almost fourteen- years. I’m tired of feeling like I don’t deserve better than what I have right now. I don’t want to settle anymore.”
Because of what she saw growing up as a child, Naomi had convinced herself to accept the myth that many of us saw our mothers and grandmothers accept; that you have to take what you can get, and stick it out when you’re not being treated well. Our foremothers had far less opportunities and resources, but we don’t have this excuse. With the tremendous knowledge that we have access to from God’s Word, we can make better choices for ourselves, and we should.
Years ago, I remember hearing Naomi say that she had spent too much time trying to shape and mold her man the way she wants him. She said she’d be a fool to give him away to another woman, even if he hadn’t put a ring on her finger. Just because two people grow to the point of dealing with each other’s hang-ups, it doesn’t mean they are right for each other. You and I don’t have the capacity to make someone right for us. Our Heavenly Father knows who is best for our lives, and this is why we should be chiefly focused on cultivating our relationship with Him, so that we can receive His divine guidance.
Our lack of faith tells us all kinds of things about why we should cling to something that isn’t working. If we’re a certain age, we might tell ourselves that time is an issue. If the man is financially stable or has significant wherewithal, we convince ourselves we won’t find another in the same vain. Jesus Christ said in Mark 9:23(NKJV), “If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes.” Know that faith will always stretch us to trust in the reality of this. We will gain nothing by accepting less than the Father wants us to have.
Our responsibility as believers is to respond to what Jesus Christ has accomplished by taking everything that he made available by faith. Paul said in Ephesians 3:8 that he was the least qualified of any Christian, but God saw to it the he was equipped. It’s the same with us. We don’t have to be anxious about letting go of the wrong thing. Ephesians 3:13 tells us we have boldness and access with confidence through faith in Christ! This is the attitude we must have when it comes to living life. We don’t have to take what we can get; we must have faith in what the Father wants to give us. He will provide the right person, and we must trust that He will.■
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
“You Have to Take What You Can Get…NOT SO!” written by Kim Times, edited by Reverend Fran Mack for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to inspiring and encouraging Christian Women through the Word of God.
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