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The internet has drastically changed many aspects of our lives, but you’d be hard pressed to argue against its monumental impact on dating. Because of the internet, single people have more options today than ever, but more options don’t necessarily translate to making dating easier. While it’s true that the dating pool of potentials is widened by online dating sites, the weeding out process is often complicated and tricky. Profiles paint a picture of what a person wants you to see, and often leave out entirely the stuff you’d run away from if you knew it. So, we’re now at a place where a person is more likely to meet someone through an email than at the grocery store, church, or through friends and family. Therefore, caution and wisdom are indispensable with online dating, because so few people talk about the need to adjust expectations to reality. The real deal is that it may take a long time to find a compatible, quality person that is interested in building a serious relationship—one that will last.
A little while ago, a good friend went out on her first date with a man she connected with online. They had been conversing a few weeks, and things were going really well, so they finally decided to meet. On the date, she said the conversation between the two of them was even better than their phone calls. He said all the right things. The restaurant was nice, they instantly seemed to hit it off, and my friend felt very optimistic. The entire evening, he was the perfect gentleman, and when she arrived home, she thought surely he would text. He didn’t. No ‘nice to meet you in person’, ‘enjoyed your company’, or ‘let’s do that again.’ She got nothing.
The next morning, she checked her phone and again, nothing. They had been texting each other ‘good morning’ for a few weeks, so she was very puzzled by this. A few days went by, and still…crickets.
Meeting someone in person is completely different from reading a profile and seeing a picture online. You get a sense of a person’s energy when you’re in their company, and the chemistry can be completely different than you thought it would be. Sometimes the other person’s agenda isn’t what they’ve represented in a profile. Maybe the man’s intention is purely physical. His bubble is burst when he meets her in person, and she is not someone that is easily manipulated.
There are people who endure even more hurtful situations from online dating than what my friend has endured. We’ve probably all heard some of the horror stories, and the lesson is that none of us should internalize the rejection and disappointments from this stuff. We should learn that it will forever and always be best to depend on God’s wisdom and guidance with any dating option. He knew about the internet a very long time before any of us had a clue, and He knows how to guide us through the pitfalls.
As women, we can jump in too soon with our emotions. We become too eager and excited, and we need to be more cautious. Proverbs 19:2(NLT) tells us, “Enthusiasm without knowledge is no good; haste makes mistakes.” You might be thinking that perhaps she misread things, and maybe she should be the one to call. My friend considered this herself and decided to give him a ring. He picked up and seemed happy to hear her voice. He said he had been thinking of her and was going to call but things got hectic. He promised to call her later that evening, but it’s been a few months, and that was the last time she heard from him.
Sisters, we can call it old fashion if we want, but God’s Word and Will is never outdated, and if we don’t follow it, we can’t expect the results it yields. Women and men are not the same. They each have different roles, and Heavenly Father was extremely intentional about this. Proverbs 18:22(NLT) says, “The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the LORD.” This is God’s standard, and God’s standards never change. We are sons and daughters of the Most High God, and members of His holy family through the Lord Jesus Christ. He tells us that a virtuous woman is priceless. His expectation is that she will be treated in a way that honors her worth.
It is in no way about arrogance or egotism. It is about owning your identity as God’s precious daughter. If you know who you are, then you have a right to expect that a man will appreciate your worth. If he is truly seeking a woman of your Godly character and grace, he would be chomping at the bits to be in your company again; because that’s how a man of integrity, substance, and loyalty behaves when he’s in the presence of his queen. A man will always pursue what he wants. If he’s not willing to pursue you, he doesn’t recognize your worth.
Proverbs 19:3(NLT) tells us, “People ruin their lives by their own foolishness and then are angry at the LORD.” It is very easy for all of us to be foolish and make a mistake with dating, and there are a variety of ways to do it. But this kind of mistake can turn into a travesty that will ruin our lives if we’re not careful. It can cause us to lose valuable time, stamina, and momentum that should be aimed towards the man who is deserving of all we have to give. So, yes, you may have called him first, but be wise and don’t do it again.■
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
“Yes, I Called Him First” written by Kim Times, edited by Reverend Fran Mack, for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2019. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to inspiring and encouraging Christian Women through the Word of God.
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