Unlike me, with my round body, chubby cheeks, and inherent shyness, my paternal grandmother was a prideful, slender woman. She was caramel colored with fine, flowing hair that she effortlessly pinned in an updo most days. A former school teacher, for many White folks in our small southern town, she was more articulate and poised than she had a right to be. I first caught wind of this at around the age of five, when my cousin and I went into the store to purchase candy. For some reason, that day my grandmother didn’t accompany us, but stayed behind in the truck. I remember feeling surprisingly independent as I waited in line to pay for my purchase. I would show my grandmother that her faith in me was not displaced, that I was a ‘big girl’, but things didn’t go quite as I had planned.
My timidity aggravated my grandmother at times, and she was adamant that I should look people in the eye and answer questions politely, but directly, with ‘yes’ or ‘no.’ So when the white lady behind the cash register asked me if I had another nickel, I respectfully replied, “yes.” She hatefully scolded, “Don’t you answer me like that!’ You say ‘yes ma’am or no ma’am’ to me!” The depth of vitriol in her words crushed me. It totally destroyed the confidence I would have gleaned from this singular act of independence. Something precious had been snatched from me, and my grandmother knew it the moment she laid eyes on my face.
I’d like to say that this was an isolated incident, but in truth it was one of many. Through the grace of God, I, like so very many others, was and continue to be aided by faith and perseverance to overcome. As a young Black girl living in the south, I surpassed some of the hurdles that the ignorance and hatred of prejudice produced, but as a mature Black woman to say that I am totally unscathed by it would not be the truth. In the south where I grew up, racism was overt, and still is to some degree. Having moved to the east, one might argue that although racism is not overt, it is more insidious; where in the south what was done in your face is here done behind your back.
My grandmother was my hero that day, and no doubt paid a price for it. My heart aches even now, because the cost of what was lost by us and so many others is immeasurable. Every time I hear the term “angry Black woman”, I’m reminded of this memory, and I’m aghast by the audacity of those who use it to dismiss the opinions and intellect of women of color. It’s a stereotype used to try and short-circuit our success. Those who taunt us with it seek to discredit the ingenuity and assertiveness we’ve forged against the backdrop of ridiculous levels of partiality and negativity.
The media often characterizes an aggressive, angry, arrogant, and promiscuous archetype for women of color, and this perpetuates the angry Black woman myth. Our beauty has been coveted, yet marginalized by entire industries, and keeping it real, some men in the Black community have been accomplices; glorifying their preferences for white skin, ‘good’ hair, and blue eyes. We’ve got lots of reasons to be angry, but ultimately being angry isn’t going to restore the esteem of brown and black girls whose beauty, intellect, and self-worth isn’t being validated. Being angry doesn’t convey our faith and strong conviction about God’s truth.
These are not new issues, but it is critical that we come up with new solutions to handle them. The old ones may have worked to some degree in the past, but they are not working now and the preponderance of disrespect these days speaks to this. We can’t sit idly by. There’s something within Kingdom resources that we need to activate, and it’s a very individual and personal choice to do so. A lie left unchecked will grow. Together, we can cut it off at its root.
Speak the Truth!
God’s strength and power are required to change course, and part of walking in His strength and power is being aware that through His love, we can and are making a difference. Proverbs 18:21(KJV) tells us, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” Your words make a difference. Spoken with truth and power, they are seeds of change. Be sure that you’re speaking the truth about your own value in the Lord Jesus Christ. Look in the mirror with kind eyes and give yourself some love every day. Ephesians 2:10 declares that you are God’s masterpiece. Speak words of success, love, and light over your existence, and believe what God says about you.
Be aware of your impact and influence
It is vital that we become aware of the impact and influence we each have on those around us. We teach people how to treat us by how we treat ourselves, and we sow seeds of esteem and goodness in others when God’s love anchors our every intention. 2Timothy 1:7 tells us that God hasn’t given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and sound mind. Our eyes and ears come across situations and information for a reason. If young girls and women in our families are engaging in self-punishing behaviors and attitudes, share your counsel and wisdom. Reaffirm their worth and beauty with the truth of God’s Word.
Don’t support the lie
From the moment we wake up each morning, everything that we do matters. The television shows and movies we watch matter, the conversations we have with each other matter, and the time we spend in God’s Word matters most. We can make a decision to not support the negativity that perpetuates this myth about courageous, beautiful, and Godly sisters that are full of God’s grace. We must also make a greater commitment to become more aware of the implications of our own actions and attitudes. Always give yourself a moment to think clearly before responding impetuously.
James 1:17-18 warns us not to get thrown off course, but to understand that God is the Giver of wonderful gifts, and our lives are a gift from Him. We’re special to God and we’re here as His ambassadors to do good. Part of this good is to stop allowing our minds and hearts to be breeding ground for emotions that betray the gifts that God has given us through Christ. We are rivers of light cascading from our Father’s light, and if collectively we begin to support, encourage, and pray for each other in love, God will make this thing right. ■
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
Scripture taken from The Message. Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group
“The Angry Black Woman” written by Reverend Fran Mack, edited by Kim Times for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2018. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to inspiring and encouraging Christian Women through the Word of God.