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One of the things we do when we’re in a relationship is reshuffle our lives to make room for the new man. Most of us see this as a welcomed change, and we’re happy to do it, but when the relationship doesn’t go as expected, it can be very challenging. On top of the heartache we’re experiencing, we must do even more reshuffling. We have to acclimate ourselves to the reality of our disappointment while trying not to miss a beat with the other important things in our lives. Even though most of us will try to smooth over the gaps that were left vacant by the absence of this person, things can’t go back to the way they were. Try as we might to get back to that place, we just can’t. This can be very difficult for us to accept, especially when we’re facing the holidays.

For most of us, the holiday season comes with both its share of joys and stresses. There are increased demands on our time with family and work gatherings, and not only this, there’s the pressure of gift giving on our finances. Of course, the joys far exceed the angst. It’s a beautiful season that reminds us of warm coziness, closeness with those we love, and most importantly, remembering the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. All of us want it to be a celebratory time that we share with that special someone, but not having this person in our lives shouldn’t be a game changer.

There are some truths that we as believers must accept, and one of them is that everything, every detail, from the smallest to the greatest, happens for a reason. Heavenly Father created us in such a way that we change, evolve, and grow through knowledge and experiences. He tells us in Ephesians 4:23(NIV), “to be made new in the attitude of your minds;” In Romans 12:2(NIV), He said, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” This means that we ought to learn lessons of wisdom from our mistakes and change our thoughts and attitudes so that we’re better from our breakups and not worse. Our goal through every success and disappointment should be to excel in Christ, because as we learn more about him, we are transformed into the person God created us to be.

This doesn’t happen all at once. After we’re born-again through Christ, our spiritual journey in him begins. It’s never a backward regression. In the realm of God, there is only one trajectory, forward and upward. As we walk in the Holy Spirit and allow him to teach us about Jesus Christ, we’ll go higher and higher. It is awesomely important that we trust this truth, because it will help to build our faith. It will help us to be anchored in the truth that although things didn’t turn out the way we wanted, God’s plan for us is not deterred. He will cause all things to work together for our good.

Some of us are very tempted to let a breakup send us backwards, but our faith in God ought to be anchored in what He’s doing now and what He will do in the future. We want to go back to who we used to be, or we want the man back in our lives so things will be as they were. We should never want to go back because there’s too much to look forward to.

The children of Israel living in Old Testament times are an example of the wrong attitude and mindset. In Numbers 14:22-23(NIV), God said, “Not one of those who saw my glory and the signs I performed in Egypt and in the wilderness but who disobeyed me and tested me ten times—not one of them will ever see the land I promised on oath to their ancestors. No one who has treated me with contempt will ever see it.” God’s people were forbidden to see the Promised Land because they refused to believe that their latter days would be better than their former days. They wouldn’t trust that God would increase them as they pursued His Will and promises in faith. Instead, they cowered in fear and doubt, complained, and wandered around in the wilderness. We should never allow this to be said of us.

John 3:16 tells us that God loved the world so much that He gave us His only begotten Son. He gifted to all of us the most precious offering He could make. At God’s appointed time, something new and extraordinarily wonderful came into the world. This is the God we serve, and it is something to celebrate every day. We’re not the same person we were, and that’s nothing to be sad about. We learned how flexible and strong we are when we have to be. Don’t constantly make a memorial of your past at the expense of your future. With God, all things are possible, and when we make Him the focus, we can stop mourning what could have been and prepare to embrace the newness of what will be.■

THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

“Stop Mourning What Could Have Been” written by Kim Times, edited by Reverend Fran Mack, for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2019.   All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to inspiring and encouraging Christian Women through the Word of God.

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