“28 But don’t begin until you count the cost. For who would begin construction of a building without first calculating the cost to see if there is enough money to finish it? 29 Otherwise, you might complete only the foundation before running out of money, and then everyone would laugh at you.”
Luke 14:28-29 (NLT)
While getting my brakes done the other day, my mechanic was talking about how he had just broken off a relationship with a woman he’d been dating several months. I asked him what went wrong. Without hesitation, he said, “I hate drama! I’m not here to make a woman happy, that’s completely up to her. I want to get to know you first before I even begin to think about getting married.” Evidently, the woman talked about marriage almost from the first moment they met. He wasn’t against marriage, but he became uncomfortable with her approach and felt like he was under too much pressure. He wanted to get to know her without feeling like he was being rushed into something.
I’ve found over the years that some people spend more time thinking and planning their future weddings than they spend laying a solid foundation while they’re dating. You can learn a lot about a person by taking the time to communicate. Whether over the phone or in person, it’s important to discuss and cover a lot of topics and to give each other the space to share. You should know about their past relationships and breakups, and men are often willing to share details about their mistakes and what went wrong. As they share their experiences, a woman can possibly know more about how this man has grown mentally and emotionally, and she might also glean how much growing they need to do in certain areas.
Sometimes men are very forthcoming with these details, but sometimes they aren’t. And sometimes we’re not great at creating a space for them to feel comfortable doing so. We may not realize it, but our impatience to move from phase 1 to phase 2 can be off-putting, especially if it seems like we’re prying. We absolutely should pay close attention to how much a man allows us into his personal space and how much he is willing to share about the personal details of his life, but when he’s the right person, we will never have to push him to share. Love never pushes or shoves, it gently moves us to its wonderful depths. Whether he shares a lot or a little, it’s on us to patiently and carefully take the time to understand him better, and if he’s not willing to allow this, our answer is clear cut. But if he is open and willing to share, it will help us figure out exactly what we’re working with, and it will also help to ascertain whether this man could be a future spouse. We owe it to them, and to our own level of faith in God, not to push or rush, but to seek Heavenly Father for direction every step of the way and to be as kind and tenderhearted as His Word teaches us to be.
Jesus Christ instructs us in Luke 14:28 to count the costs, and this means we need to adequately calculate the value and sacrifice that is required for the thing we hope to gain. And he tells us not to even begin the process until we make this evaluation. We must do this as his followers when it comes to the mission that he’s given us, and it is also the best practice and pattern for anything else that is worthy of our effort and endeavor. Giving ourselves, and the person we’re interested in, the space and time to know us and for us to know them is a gift that will keep on giving.
Amos 3:3(NLT) bestows wisdom by asking, “Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?” This tells us about the importance of harmony and unity of purpose between two people. It is understandable that two people won’t see eye to eye on every subject, but agreement is a much deeper reality. It involves destiny, and destiny links two together according to God’s plan. Walking together also contains the compromises two people make because they’ve done the evaluation Christ teaches, and they’re both in agreement and confident in each other that God’s purpose includes the joining of their lives. Marriage then becomes a joint decision, not a one-sided one.
As God’s daughters, we never have to try to force a fit. Jesus Christ assures us in Matthew 6:8 that God knows what we need before we ask Him. Heavenly Father knows the right person for us, and it is more important that we are listening to the answers our Heavenly Father gives us than those the man gives us. God knows our past, present, and our futures. He knows us better than we know ourselves, and through His Spirit, God will guide us to knowing what and who is best for our lives. Our faith must be firmly planted in the truth that He will lead us to the right person and help us walk together in the unity of His purpose, truth, and love. ■
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
“Please Lead Me to the Right Person” written by Kim Times, edited by Fran Mack for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2021. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!