Difficulties and painful circumstances are facts of life for everyone, but for a wife coping with the pain of your husband’s infidelity, it can seem unbearable. The effects of betrayal can leave you so traumatized that you can barely get out of bed or make it through the day. I’ve had both the privilege and the responsibility to be a compassionate ear, confidant, and prayer partner for many women that are dealing with this kind of pain. No one can deny that this is a situation that cuts to the core of who we are, but there are other very important discoveries that God would like to reveal through this level of pain, and we cannot afford to dismiss any of them.
Pain is not a natural state. It was introduced into the earth’s realm through disobedience to God’s Word. The enemy is the architect of pain, and he will try to use the things that are most precious to us as darts; he aims to pierce us in our most venerable places. We are sometimes so afflicted from the sting that it paralyzes us in ways we couldn’t have imagined. It can be a very nauseating and gnawing burden, and it is not uncommon for us to question why God allows us to be wounded to this magnitude. The answer to this question is that there is no pain that we experience that God’s love cannot heal.
Pain is not the best teacher, because its lessons are harsh. However, as difficult and hurtful as life can be at times, it is nothing like the pain and hurt that our Lord and Savior endured on the cross for our sakes. This is a very important truth that our pain reveals. It allows us to have confidence that Jesus Christ understands our broken-hearts, because Hebrews 4:15 (NLT) tells us, “This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin.” Not only do we have a Savior and Lord who understands our pain, he tells us to bring it to him, and he will bear the load of it.
God doesn’t cause the problems that tear relationships apart. 1Corinthians 14:33 tells us that He is not the author of confusion, but of peace. He wants us to be happy in our relationships, and this is why He has set His very own standard for the way we should care for and support one another in a marriage. In His Word, Heavenly Father tells us that the husband should love his wife as Christ loves the church, and the woman should honor her husband out of her love for Christ. This is God’s standard. It guarantees to preserve a marriage through any challenges. So, neither God or His Word has failed us in any respect, but all of us must admit that we do not always put on His standard of love in our marriages, and we need to seek God’s forgiveness.
God’s heart is not for us to wallow in self-condemnation. We ask for forgiveness because it demonstrates our humility and desire to put God first; and to recognize that His Word cannot fail. Forgiveness puts us in right standing, and it opens us to receive more of God’s instruction in righteousness.
The standard of love that God has set is personified in Christ. We are the bride of Christ, and he is our bridegroom. He loves us so much, and his passion is to care for us and support us in every way. We make mistakes and we get hurt, but even in the middle of our disappointment we have to remember that we are the light of Christ. The pain we may experience feels very dark and heavy, but we outshine it through the power of the Holy Spirit that indwells us.
A woman said to me that when first dating her husband, something on the inside of her felt wrong every time they met, but he treated her so well. She fell in love with him a few years ago, and they were married. He has betrayed the marriage through infidelity, and she feels that she is now experiencing such loss because she ignored her instincts. The truth is that most of us are willing to take such risks on love because deep down we know that when love is right it’s totally worth it. We shouldn’t condemn ourselves for taking the leap. We should, however, put ourselves in the arms of the Father and ask Him to teach us how to better guard our hearts, so that we’re in a prime position to both give and receive love His way.
If you have been betrayed by your husband or the person you love, know that you are more than a conqueror through Christ. You will overcome through his strength. We know that we will experience tribulations in life, but God has told us to persist and endure through them. We might get knocked down, but we get back up. God is developing in each of us such a posture that we will run this race with endurance, always looking ahead to victory in Christ and never looking back; no matter how bad or hurtful things may appear. Our hope, our confidence, must always be in Christ.
The bottom line is that in whatever form it is that we are broken, and no matter how it is that we have come to be that way, God will heal us. We will breakthrough our storms, tribulations, and wilderness experiences through Christ, our Lord. And one day, we will come to see that God’s deliverance has given us greater authority in Christ, and through it we will help someone else come into healing as we have.■
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
“Overcoming the Hurt of Betrayal”, written by Kim Times, edited by Reverend Fran Mack for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2017. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to inspiring and encouraging Christian Women through the Word of God.