“Could it be that the reason you’re so frustrated with life is because things didn’t work out with your man?” A mutual friend asked Adrienne this question because she seemed to be having a tough week. She didn’t want to be around anyone, and this was unusual for a person as outgoing as Adrienne. We all suspected that she was going through something with the significant person in her life; it had been an on-again-off-again relationship for almost a decade. It was no secret that Adrienne wanted to marry this man, and she thought Stephon was changing his mind about marriage, but he never made any promises. She was in such a tailspin because he finally told her that he was nowhere near ready to be married. He didn’t want to hurt her, but ended their conversation with, “I just really don’t consider myself the marrying type.”
Why do men do things like this? Why do they remain in a relationship for that long, knowing full well that the woman has marriage on her mind? To be honest, the answer to these questions isn’t difficult, and deep down, most women know it. The reason why a man will remain in a 10-year on-again-off-again relationship and never commit to marriage is because he knows he can. This isn’t a righteous move on his part, but it’s not just him. This is an issue that involves both the man and the woman.
In Luke 9:62(NLT), our Master Jesus taught about the importance of commitment and the danger of procrastination. He said, “Anyone who puts a hand to the plow and then looks back is not fit for the Kingdom of God.” A plow is a farming tool. Jesus Christ often used farming in his teachings because farming was a huge part of the lifestyle of those living during that time. They didn’t have the convenience of grocery stores back then, so they were dependent on farming for their own source of food. They had to maintain livestock that could be used for meat, and they had to grow their own vegetables, as well as grains for bread. In order to keep the land fertile for planting, a plow was used to manually turned over the soil each planting season, and this was not easy labor.
It’s not difficult to understand why farming was key to survival. It was nothing to play around with. A farmer was expected to understand the requirements and get to it. He had to know that plowing is laborious and necessary work that is required to produce the beneficial and expected results. He also had to understand that a failure to produce a harvest might mean catastrophe for his family. This is the backdrop for Luke 9:62, and Jesus Christ zeroes in on the importance of what’s at stake.
A qualified farmer is someone who provides and produces for others. He would never put his hand to a plow and then procrastinate and look away with hesitation. If he does this, Jesus says he’s not fit for the Kingdom of God. He’s not fit because he’s vacillating, and this equates to instability. James 1:8(KJV) states, “A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.”
Is this what we think we deserve, someone that procrastinates or looks away in hesitation because they’re not sure about us. Both men and women have done this when it comes to the things of God. We’re not stepping up to the plate in faith, but we’re wavering, wondering if God is who He says He is and if He’ll do what He says He will do in His Word. We have our hands on the plow, but we’re not prepared to move it forth with the obedience and diligence God requires. If we’re not going to do it for God, our Creator and Source of all that is good, we are certainly not going to do it for another human being.
Women need to understand this very basic piece of wisdom. They are expecting a man to commit to them wholeheartedly when they have not committed wholeheartedly to God. We can change this, and we should. 2Chronicles 16:9(NLT) says, “The eyes of the LORD search the whole earth in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.” This verse tells us that God desires to bless His people, and His people have the distinct pleasure and responsibility to present the landscape for His blessings to land.
1Samuel 16:7 affirms that God doesn’t see things the way that we do. He doesn’t judge by outward appearance; God looks at the heart. He warns us in Proverbs 4:23(NLT), “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” He’s telling us to guard against apathy, doubt, or anything else that comes against Him and His Word, because those things will shape a future that we will not like. Whatever is in our hearts will produce an outcome. It will either give God something to work with or not. And sometimes, we are crying out for the man to love us, when our hearts have not made enough space for God.
Galatians 6:7(NLT) warns, “Don’t be misled—you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant.” It is very clear that if we’re not putting the love of God out there in the way that God has ordained, we’re not going to get the return we expect. Many men will not be righteous in their dealings. They come into relationships and stay in them when they are fully aware of their intentions to remain unmarried, but women have a responsibility to God and to themselves to see this for what it is. We cannot expect a man to change his opinion about our worthiness to be his wife when he doesn’t even want one.
In 1Corinthians 7:7(MSG), the Apostle Paul said, “Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me—a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others.” Paul understood that our whole purpose for being in the earth is to have a relationship with God and to grow more like Christ with each passing day. Most of us struggle with the truth that this is our purpose and choose to do our own thing rather than to follow after our King. Paul resisted this trap. He understood that our purpose is just that simple and that many people, especially women, have looked to marriage to fill their cups instead of God.
This is why Paul said that being single is a simpler life. It allows an individual to be singular in focus when it comes to the things of God. For others, marriage is the way to go. God gives these individuals the gift of marriage because they understand that marriage is designed to deepen our relationship with God, not detract from it. At least one of the individuals in any couple must comprehend this truth. When that’s the case, they will always put God first, and He will reward them according to the love of Christ that is in their hearts. ■
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
“Marriage Is A Gift from God”, written by Kim Times, edited by Fran Mack for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!