Growing up, the youngins in my family were chastised for listening to grown folk’s business, but if they hadn’t been gossiping about it, there would have been nothing to hear. The many relationships gone wrong was the talk of our small town. I remember hearing such-and-such and so-and-so were getting divorced because the wife found out that her husband was cheating with another woman in the neighborhood. This kind of thing wasn’t uncommon, and news of it spread like wild fire. But the gossip wasn’t the worse part. Often, seasoned matriarchs, even those in the faith, would say things like, “She’d better stay with that man. Even if he’s cheating, she’ll regret leaving if she ends up alone; she’ll get over it.”

This kind of thinking was cultivated from a lack of knowledge of God’s Word. Romans 10:17(NLT) tells us, “So faith comes from hearing, that is, hearing the Good News about Christ.” It isn’t enough for the Word to simply fall upon our ears. We must digest it in a way that it gets mixed with understanding and believing. We must understand the greatness of God’s Word as we also believe it with our whole hearts. Witnessing some of the advice that was doled out as wisdom in yesteryears, as well as today, we can see so clearly how crucial it is for us to hear and understand God’s truth.

Even today, for many women it is common to accept an abusive man out of a fear of loneliness or fear of not having material or financial provision. Much of this thinking has been breed into us from a culture where faith is not accurately and frequently taught. It’s not just the insidiousness of cultural teaching about abusive behavior, there are many other attitudes we’ve accepted about men and relationships that undermine our confidence and self-worth.

When we’re praying to cross paths with our future partners or praying for the relationship we’re currently in, these kinds of attitudes and entrenched thinking will be brought to the forefront by the indwelling Holy Spirit. We must address and attack them from the root, so that we don’t continue carrying the baggage of fear and wrong believing into a new relationship. We must remember that the goal is to allow Jesus Christ lordship in all our relationships, so that we are transformed into his image.

I remember hearing from a mature Christian woman that we teach men how to treat us by how we treat ourselves. Treating ourselves good means that we love ourselves with the love of Christ! Honor, respect, and obedience are just a few Godly characteristics that a woman should live by in order to get her mind and heart in the right place.

Galatians 5:1 (MSG) says, “Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand! Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you.” When we hear the word ‘slavery’, we think of bondage and imprisonment. This is a very real and true perspective of what it means to live in darkness and fear. Participating in a relationship without knowing or upholding the standards of Christ is the equivalent of living behind bars. There’s no freedom in a lie, only God’s truth can bring light, love and liberty to every situation.

You see, when we don’t press into God for direction and discernment, we might look for love in all the wrong places. Then, we attract men who help us remain comfortable in our insecurities. That’s not what Heavenly Father wants for His beautiful daughters. Ephesians 5:25 says God wants us to be loved by a man that loves as Jesus Christ loves the church and gave his life for her. Let’s not remain behind the blinders but remove them to see that just as we are capable and willing to love a man with a heart of Christ, we must not accept less than this from him.■

Scripture taken from The Message. Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places”, written by Kim Times, edited by Reverend Fran Mack for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2019.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to inspiring and encouraging Christian Women through the Word of God.