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Proverbs 15:31-32(NLT) tells us, “If you listen to constructive criticism, you will be at home among the wise. 32; If you reject discipline, you only harm yourself; but if you listen to correction, you grow in understanding.” God’s wisdom is golden, and it will never fail us, but the first sentence in this scripture is problematic for many of us single Christian sisters. When it comes to accepting the good counsel of others in the area of dating and relationships, some of us turn a deaf ear. We even get angry and think, “Who does she think she is? She’s not perfect and is in no position to be counseling me!” When it comes to the world, we will accept counsel from all manner of individuals that may be professionals, even pay for it, and yet these individuals are not Godly. So, a person doesn’t have to be perfect to give solid counsel. Of course, a healthy dose of discernment in this area is biblical and beneficial, but this discernment shouldn’t exclude hearing sound wisdom and allowing the Holy Spirit to confirm whether or not you should heed it.

We all have habit patterns that we’ve developed over our lifetimes. Some of these are very entrenched. When this happens, it’s like we have on blinders. We can’t see where we may be going wrong, and we can’t tell when we’ve veered off the path God would have us to be on. In short, we can’t detect when we’re the root cause of why we’re not receiving the blessing we desire most. We can’t see that something within us is blocking our blessing. In this state, very often we have to be shocked into paying attention.

What does this look like? Sometimes people will blurt out things to us, and we are appalled by their audacity. It’s cutting! They come at us sideways, and we’re immediately offended to the point of anger. Sometimes this is the only way we will hear and pay attention to truth. We haven’t dealt with ourselves honestly in areas that are integral to further growth in Christ and to attaining the blessing we’ve been praying to receive.

Sometimes, even mature Christians have a hard time with constructive criticism, because it means you’re pointing out to them an error they’ve not confronted. People continue with poor or bad behavior because no one has pointed it out or confronted them in a way that gets their attention. It is not unusual for pain of some kind to be connected to their refusal to confront it. As Christians, we have to be aware of this because the wisdom of Proverbs 29:1 (NLT) tells us, “Whoever stubbornly refuses to accept criticism will suddenly be destroyed beyond recovery.”

Spiritual growth in this area is important because it stamps our hearts with a memory of what it feels like to be convicted. We grow in compassion from this, and since we wouldn’t want to put anyone else through the hard lessons of correction we’ve learned, this new layer of compassion motivates us to learn the finesse of giving constructive criticism to others. This is paramount when it comes to relationships with our significant others.

Ephesians 4:29(NLT) tells us, “Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.” Godly finesse teaches us that every situation must be handled differently, depending on the person, because not everyone reacts the same to criticism. When you’re dealing with a loved one, emotions can sometimes run high, so before giving constructive criticism, we should make sure to lovingly convey affirmations of the positive first, and then allow the Holy Spirit to take the lead so that the Godly counsel and criticism you provide will benefit the person and not tear them down.

For ourselves, we would do well to remember that when we hear the truth from someone who lacks finesse about it, it may land harshly, but it does so because we have probably refused or neglected to hear it before. It may be our final opportunity to confront it without facing drastic consequences. When it comes to giving constructive criticism, we must make sure it’s in alignment with God’s Word, so that the wisdom we give will be sound and delivered with love. Whether we’re on the receiving or giving end of things, the piece of wisdom all of us must acknowledge is that failure is imminent if we veer off the path God has set for us. We can’t be stubborn or arrogant. Receiving constructive criticism or delivering it to others requires our spiritual maturity to let the Holy Spirit have the final word so a productive outcome is achieved for all concerned.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved. 

“Learning to Criticize with Love” written by Kim Times, edited by Reverend Fran Mack for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2018.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to inspiring and encouraging Christian Women through the Word of God.

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