There are three things that likely happen when you fall for a man that God didn’t send. The first is you get hurt, because you let him into your heart without the wisdom of God and the discernment that comes from knowing His Word. The second is that you become more insecure about your own judgment and decision making. The third is that your pace is slowed. The blessing of a husband that was meant for you is delayed because you had your eyes and heart on the wrong prize. Know what you’re working with. This word of wisdom has kept me from making a lot of mistakes when it comes to relationships and dating. Don’t sleep on the signs, and you’ll save yourself from heartache and wasting your precious time.

King David reminds us of God’s magnificence and brilliance in Psalm 19:1-5(NIV). This passage says, “1 For the director of music. A psalm of David. The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. 2 Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they reveal knowledge. 3 They have no speech, they use no words; no sound is heard from them. 4 Yet their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world. In the heavens God has pitched a tent for the sun. 5 It is like a bridegroom coming out of his chamber, like a champion rejoicing to run his course.” Everything that God has created resounds with His perfection and glory, and our praise, as His children, should be the highest of them all. God is our everything, and our faith, gratitude, and humility towards Him should dominate our every move.

Examine his actions and behavior

We should be totally confident that God knows how to bless us, and if the blessing doesn’t come from Him, He has given us a way through His Word and Spirit to know this. As a woman, you must come into consciousness about the handiwork of God’s creative work. He doesn’t make mistakes. A husband has wired within him everything he needs to recognize his wife. If you are not his wife, when it boils down to it, he is not going to treat you as if you are. As women, we try to force this through physical intimacy. We tell ourselves that this will make the relationship tight, and it won’t. If we put it out there, many men will take it for their own pleasure, and leave us with a fragmented soul and broken heart. Don’t do this to yourself.

Never beg a man for his time or anything else. If you are his wife, he will freely give you all that he has, because he knows who you are. He will let you know in no uncertain terms that you are the one for him. His actions and behaviors towards you will blanket you in confidence that he will always place your welfare above his own. If you’re not getting this from him, do not give him your heart.

Recognize Clues and Warnings

You will not get another chance to live this life. You can’t afford to lose time and momentum on this journey. Don’t take things for granted or try to make his miniscule gestures grand. We’re talking about your life here! 1John 4:10(NIV) says, “This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” God loves you. Your life is precious to Him and it should be precious to you. So, if you have to be checking a man’s cell phone to see who he’s texting or spying on him to make sure he is where he says he is, something is out of place.

Somehow, he’s made you feel insecure about what you have with him. There were clues that he has divided attention, or he showed you in some way that you are not his first priority. Rather than acknowledging that he’s not sent from above, you’re continuing to entertain this set-up from the devil.

Have you paid attention to how he treats strangers and others? How does he honor his mom? Is he kind and caring to his siblings? If he has children, is he a compassionate and caring father? And the main question is “Who does he place above himself?” and how does this play out in your relationship? If he’s not putting God in the number one spot, you should consider that a warning.

Remember, you’re not in the decision-making process alone. Lean on the guidance and direction of the Holy Spirit, because God gave the Spirit to you as a Gift, and he lives inside you. He is your Guide and Teacher, and he will lead you according to what he hears from Christ. Of course, as women, we can get over relationship setbacks. We do it all the time, but if we value the life that God has given us, we’ll avoid as many of those as we can. Our time is better spent by praying to God and surrendering our desire for marriage over to Him. We must admit that often, we don’t know what we’re working with, but God doesn’t miss a beat. Our Heavenly Father knows what’s best for us, and if we’ll humble ourselves and listen to Him, He’ll always help us and let us know when we’re working with the one that He sent. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

“Know What You’re Working With”, written by Kim Times, edited by Fran Mack and K. Stephens for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2023. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!