When Lisa met her boyfriend Ryan, she was the heaviest she’d ever been. She was always a plus-size woman, but she thought that if she trimmed down, maybe Ryan would find her more attractive. Men are notoriously visual creatures, and some are attracted only by physical appearance, but not all men are this way. Ryan wasn’t focused on Lisa’s waistline, as a matter of fact, he thought she was one of the most beautiful women he’d ever met. Lisa’s self-esteem was so affected by how she had been treated in other relationships, that she didn’t have confidence in herself or her relationship with Ryan. She thought if he knew about her battle with self-esteem and weight, he might find her less attractive. She was shocked when she learned the truth about how he really felt.
Our struggles with self-esteem cannot help but spill- over into our relationships with the significant man in our lives. Insecurities can manifest in all sorts of ways in a relationship—ways that you and I can never predict. Insecurities can show up as jealousy, apathy, obsession, and distrust. Sometimes these things drive a wedge that ultimately result in the demise of the relationship. It’s a fear of not being good enough the way we are. All of us should do things to improve our health and well-being, but we should do it because we love and appreciate ourselves, not because we’re trying to please someone else.
If we pray and have faith, the Lord Jesus Christ will help us manage the journey to wholeness and feeling good about ourselves, but we should know that it is indeed a journey. For some, it takes longer than others to get to a place of self-acceptance; and as we travel to this place, we still have to keep growing spiritually and fulfilling our obligations to the faith. Dealing with insecurities, while also maintaining a relationship you hope will lead to marriage, takes an unwavering commitment to be guided by the Lord. He desires that you have someone in your life that is understanding and will support you through the process of learning to appreciate yourself.
Many of us pay a lot of attention to the way we look. We’ll go the extra mile to ensure we’re keeping up with the latest trends in fashion and beauty, because we want to look our best. I believe Heavenly Father wants us to enjoy looking and feeling as good as we can, however, like anything in life, some of us take it to the extreme. We either become too hard on ourselves about our appearance, or we obsess about looking perfect. The danger is that whenever anything consumes too much of our energy, it subtracts from the energy we should be expending on our spiritual growth and relationship with God.
In Hebrews 12:1(NLT), the Apostle Paul said, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.” Nothing comes before our destiny in Christ, and nothing should come before carrying forth the purpose for which we were born. Every believer has a race to run, and it is important to God that we be about the business of running it.
When God tells us to strip off the sin that weighs us down, insecurities and obsessions are very definitely included in the stuff we need to get rid of. God knows our past, present, and future; this is something that must always be in the forefront of our minds. When relationships fall apart, or when you meet someone you dig and he doesn’t dig you, if you remember that God’s objective is for you to fulfill your destiny, you won’t sweat the small stuff. You’ll be confident that things didn’t work out because this person isn’t meant to journey forward with you.
Genesis 1:27 tells us that God created human beings in His own image. If we look a little deeper, Psalm 8:5-6(NLT) says, “5 Yet you made them only a little lower than God and crowned them with glory and honor. 6 You gave them charge of everything you made, putting all things under their authority—”This is how Heavenly Father sees us. When He looks upon our lives, He doesn’t see our flaws. He sees the Christ in us; therefore, He sees the best in us. He knows that you’re on the way to becoming who He’s destined you to be.
He presents us with a person that will help us—a person that will help to strengthen our strengths and diminish our weaknesses. This is who Ryan was to Lisa. God presented her with someone that wouldn’t run when he saw parts of her that she didn’t want anyone to see. About six months into their relationship, he said “I’ve noticed you’ve lost weight lately; is there a particular reason why? I’m only asking because I want you to know that I love you—I loved you before you lost the weight and I love you if you never lose a pound. You’re beautiful either way to me.”
The words that Ryan spoke were incredibly healing to her soul. This is what God means when He commands the man to love His wife as Jesus Christ loves the church. It’s an unconditional love that strengthens and helps us fulfill the Will of God for our lives. We should never doubt that when we’re patient and committed to pray and seek God’s Will, He’ll send a person across our paths that will mirror His love for us. It’s someone who helps us on our journey towards healing and wholeness. And it’s also someone who’s love will remind us continually that God wants the best for us, and He’s committed to honor His promises.■
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
“God Sees the Best in You”, written by Kim Times, edited by Reverend Fran Mack for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2019. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to inspiring and encouraging Christian Women through the Word of God.