Throughout my lifetime, I’ve seen many women, myself included, go through hurtful challenges and heartbreaks in their relationships with men. Sadly, some of them never got over their heartache. Many of them became bitter and very nervous about letting themselves be that vulnerable again. They’re not interested in marriage. Other women that have suffered through heartbreak in the past, and are still single, greatly desire to be partnered up. They would like to be in a committed relationship that is heading towards marriage. These women have been severely wounded too but for them being bitter or overly anxious isn’t so much their problem. Their big issue is being skeptical. For a while now, everyone has been saying that good men are in very limited supply, and these women haven’t come across one in a very long time. They are not tuning in to what God says, but they are believing what everyone else says, and this is injuring their faith.
Oh, I get it. I know that it feels like there’s slim pickins’ out there. After licking my wounds from a broken relationship some years ago, I was finally ready to get back out there. I met someone that seemed to be the total package. He is such a handsome man, and he has a wonderfully upbeat personality. His appearance is impeccable. He dresses very elegantly and always smells so good. Grrl, I thought he was the one, but even so, I was cautious and determined to take it slow. We went for dinner and movies a few times, and had long conversations, but the strangest thing began to happen after a month or so. He started asking to borrow money. Well, it didn’t take me long to figure out that this was his thing. His 9 to 5 wasn’t cutting it when it came to all those fine clothes and expensive cologne.
Hebrews 12:3(NLT) tells us, “Consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” This is what we’re supposed to do as children of the Most High God. We should look to Jesus Christ and remember how much hate and suffering he endured from others as he carried out God’s mission. We must remember that he gave his life on the cross as a sacrifice for our sins in order to rescue us from sin and death. Hebrews 12:2 tells us that he is the author and finisher of our faith. We should never make the mistake of appearing as though we’ve looked to another man to be this for us. When we are so utterly devastated by a relationship that we can’t seem to rally our spiritual strength and faith, it’s an indicator that we need to give our hearts completely over to Jesus Christ, and hold nothing back from him.
After this last disappointment, I was just tired of all the mess. I must admit that I had grown weary and was beginning to lose heart. I remember telling God that I’m completely ok with it just being Him and me. I didn’t want another man in my life if it meant he was going to be another version of what I had experienced in the past. God desires our happiness more than we desire it for ourselves. He has a plan for our lives, and He is delighted to bring two spiritually mature individuals together. I learned to be patient and wait on God, and not to give up on what I desired for my life.
I also learned to put my relationship with Heavenly Father in the number one spot in everything I attempt to do. I knew firsthand that the wrong man can set you back in your life, and most tragically, he can become a wedge between you and your relationship with God. Nothing is worth losing the intimacy we share with our Heavenly Father. It has to be preserved, but many of us are not doing this. Some of us are allowing people who have little to no faith in God to steer our thinking. This has to change.
1John 4:4-6(NLT) tells us, “4 But you belong to God, my dear children. You have already won a victory over those people, because the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world. 5 Those people belong to this world, so they speak from the world’s viewpoint, and the world listens to them. 6 But we belong to God, and those who know God listen to us. If they do not belong to God, they do not listen to us. That is how we know if someone has the Spirit of truth or the spirit of deception.” We preserve our relationship with God by only listening to and believing what He says about His promises and requirements. As daughters of God, we are not like everyone else, this means that what works for the worldly won’t work for us. We must be ever so mindful of this.
The right person for us is out there, because God has seen to it. Our faith must be firmly planted in this, and that’s the end of it. There should be no room in our hearts for skepticism or doubt. Colossians 1:9 tells us we should be praying to God to receive more knowledge about His Will. We should be praying that He will give us spiritual wisdom and understanding. Colossians 1:10(NLT) says, “Then the way you live will always honor and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit. All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better.” This is what should be occupying our time and energy. When it is, we won’t have time to listen to the doubt and negativity of others.
The wait to be blessed with meeting our spouses is never about God withholding this blessing. The wait is about what’s going on in the heart of the man and the woman. It’s about whether they are prepared to be a presentation to one another, and whether they are actively pursuing God to get them ready. Time has proven beyond a shadow of doubt that we don’t get to bypass God’s requirement. If we delay producing every kind of good fruit as Colossians 1:9-10 says, we are delaying our preparation.
Listening to others talk about their fears and becoming cynical about marriage and its prospects is going in the opposite direction of faith. It’s indulging skepticism and doubt, and when those things take root in our hearts, it will harm our relationship with God. It hinders our faith, and this kind of attitude radiates from the inside out, causing blessings to bypass us. It speaks to the reality that we are not seeing God the way He desires and deserves to be seen. So, we need to check it, and put this kind of thinking, feeling, and speaking completely out of our hearts and minds. God requires us to be diligent. This means we must be committed to lift our eyes and keep them focused only on Him in the fullness of His goodness and glory, then we will see His blessings that way as well.■
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
“Don’t Be Trapped by Skepticism and Doubt”, written by Kim Times, edited by Fran Mack for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!