In case you haven’t noticed, it is quite a bit more challenging these days to maintain a healthy and thriving relationship. This is particularly true when it comes to relationships that we hope will turn into marriage one day. People might come up with a dozen different reasons for why this has become such a challenging area, but many of those reasons have more to do with perception and opinion than truth. The chief reason that many relationships don’t mature into marriage is because the devil hates unity, and for this reason he vehemently comes against relationships. God tells us in Ephesians 6:11(NLT) how to stand our ground. He said to “Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil.” Most of us grossly underestimate the degree to which God is committed to see us meet the standard of Ephesians 6:11. Because of this, we fall short when it comes to being spiritually prepared to stand strong in our relationships so they are protected and covered by God.

Someone said to me, “It feels like there’s so much pressure to do everything right, like there’s no room for error.” I get it, but we must not be mistaken, standing on the Word of God and upholding its standard isn’t a burden, but a privilege. God’s Word is life to us, and simply put, we are going to be tested as to whether we believe it or not. We shouldn’t kid ourselves into thinking that the devil will show any mercy. Instead he waits, prowls around us like a roaring lion, waiting for a time when we will be most vulnerable and wounded, and then he pounces.

The reality is that there’s no precedent for the times in which we’re now living. We can’t look back and say, “Oh, this happen years ago, so we know what to expect.” We’re in uncharted territory. Darkness and evil are at a level we haven’t seen before, and a little dab of loyalty, faith, and humility isn’t going to extend the resources required for our situations and circumstances. We must have the Spirit’s sword, the Word of God, and we must stand upon it with the full conviction of our believing.

We must not waste valuable time and energy complaining, but often we reduce ourselves to this. When followers of Christ learn about more of God’s standards, the response from many of them is “We’re not perfect. We can’t get everything right.” That’s not an excuse God will accept. As a believer, we should never be confused about our identity. We are complete in Christ, and Ephesians 1:3 declares that God has blessed us with all spiritual blessings because of our union with Christ. So, we can’t get it twisted, our perfection in Christ is very definitely God’s goal. 1John 4:17(NLT) says, “And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world.” Today, as we live and breathe, we are imperfect, this is true, but the Will and commandment of God is that we allow ourselves to be more perfected in the love of Christ with each passing day.

We are indeed works in progress. This means that as we discover areas in our lives where our old sinful nature is still operating, we jump on it. We repent of our sin and apply the correction of God’s Word to eradicate that behavior. Applying correction and reproof from God’s Word is how we grow and develop spiritual character. If we fail to do this on a consistent basis, we will risk being overpowered by the enemy. Rather than outsmarting his tricks, we’ll lack the spiritual fortitude to stand as spiritually strong as God commands in Ephesians 6:11.

Believers in relationships are often faced with the reality that one partner will know more about God’s Word than the other. When this is the case, the one that knows more has a greater responsibility and accountability to God to uphold His standard. God will help us to do this if we will submit to Him. And we should also be confident that upholding His standard invites His power to work on our behalves. God would never allow His children to be at a disadvantage for following His commandments and instructions. Sadly, for many believers, our faith in the rewards of upholding God’s standard is very often lacking. Whether subconsciously or not, we believe following society’s way will yield greater success than following God’s way. If we’d like to receive what God has in store, this kind of thinking cannot continue to rule our hearts and minds. We must challenge this full force and renew our minds to what God says in His Word.

There’s a saying that the devil has no opening into our lives unless we provide it. This is the kind of wisdom that should make us wake up and pay attention to our every action and behavior. James 3:2(NLT) very plainly schools us on a major way that we allow the enemy into our relationships. It says, “Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way.” This truth is so huge that we could just about live our entire lives in Christ on this one verse alone.

The words that come out of our mouths are gateways. Proverbs 18:21 tells us that life and death are in the power of the tongue. This allows us to know with absolute certainty that the situations and consequences we face are often birthed from the words we’ve spoken. In relationships, we say things we wished we hadn’t said. We speak hurtful and offensive words that we can’t take back. We also speak words that provide a poor witness of our commitment to Christ. Through our words, we invite the significant person in our lives to cross boundaries with us they should never overstep. All of this is because of the words that flow from our lips, and we must know that there is a cost for it.

Not only do we sometimes kill our relationships with words, but we also kill relationships with our lack of discretion. We gossip. We share intimate details about our partners and friends that should never be spoken. Everybody and their mothers know what’s going on in our relationships because we don’t know how to keep our mouths closed.

This isn’t a casual blooper that we can just sweep under the rug. If we can’t be a trusted confidant of the person that we say we love, we can’t be a confidant for anyone. It is imperative we demonstrate to God that we can be trusted lock boxes. There are some things that God might share with us that are highly sensitive to what He wants to do and how He wants to move. We can’t be sharing that with anyone, at least not until He releases us to.

James 3:2 says if we can control our tongues, this discipline would carry over into every other aspect of our existences and we’d be perfect. We’d have the example of Christ on lock. This should be the aspiration of every Christian. Spiritual maturity presses us to connect the consequences we face to the deeds we’ve done, the actions we’ve executed, and the words we’ve spoken. The consequences of what we do and say will either bless us and our relationships and open the door for them to be demonically undermined. The choice is up to us, and if we make the right one, God’s blessings and favor will rest upon us and the unity of our relationships. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“Controlling Your Tongue, A Discipline that Preserves Your Relationship”, written by Reverend Fran Mack, edited by Kim Times, for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!