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A distant relative has been having issues in her marriage for a long time. The situation is complicated, and would make it extremely challenging for any woman to stay. She’s gone through stages of tremendous anger about it, but surprisingly hasn’t ended the marriage although she’s threatened to do it many times. Every now and again, I check in with her to see how she’s doing. Recently, when I spoke to her about the situation, she said to me, “I haven’t made up my mind yet on whether I’m filing for divorce. I’ll see how I feel by the end of the week.”

Marriage can be the most rewarding experience that life offers. It can also be the most hurtful experience in life. Someone going through a difficult marriage might say that if they had known things would turn out the way that they did, they would never have gotten married in the first place. As deliriously happy as they were on their wedding day, they regret ever taking that walk down the aisle. I’ve personally heard husbands refer to their exes in the most degrading terms, because they were treated so poorly by their wives during the marriage. Even years after their divorces, they’re still carrying the hurt.

When our marriages don’t go quite the way we envisioned, it is easy to surmise that our bitterness is the fault of the person who wronged us. Some spouses even attempt to blame God that they ended up with so much heartache. The truth is that no person has the power to transform another individual. We become who we are by the choices we make, and just as we made the decision on our own to marry the person, we can also make the decision to heal and grow beyond the hurt we have endured.

In the case of my relative, it almost feels as though she’s waiting for something to happen, and this will be the thing that almost makes the decision for her. There’s a saying, “be the change you want to see.” In spiritual terms, this means that we ought to recognize the extent to which we’ve been empowered by God to construct our own lives, and then begin to build our faith accordingly.

In Mark 11:23(NLT), Jesus Christ said, “I tell you the truth, you can say to this mountain, ‘May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea,’ and it will happen. But you must really believe it will happen and have no doubt in your heart.” Our Lord and Savior is very specific in this verse. He’s not speaking about his ability. He’s not referring to the ability of the Father or the Holy Spirit. He tells us specifically that WE, you and I, are empowered to speak to the mountain and obliterate it with the faith that backs our confession.

In Romans 12:2 (NKJV), God tells us not to be conformed to this world. This means that we shouldn’t take on its customs, behaviors, attitudes, and beliefs of negativity. We are to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. We are to change the way that we think. Romans 8:16(NLT) declares, “For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children.” God’s Spirit joins with our human-spirit, and affirms that we are spiritual children with a spiritual Father. We are spiritual beings made in the image of our God. He created the universe to respond to us SPIRIT-U-ALLY; it responds to what we do, think, and say.

Change begins internally first. This is God’s order. So, if we are waiting for situations to change, we might be waiting a very long time if we are not taking it upon ourselves to be the change we want to see. If we will have faith and trust Heavenly Father, and if we will humble ourselves and draw near to Him, He will lead, guide, and direct us through the Spirit of Christ within. He will tell us exactly the change we need to make in ourselves. And as we begin to take the steps that He communicates, a new revelation of His love will be deposited in us. This is truly the missing piece that separates us from the marriage we desire, and once we discover it through Christ, we will be transformed into the spouse that God has destined us to be.■

Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved. 

“Be the Change You Want to See”, written by Kim Times, edited by Reverend Fran Mack for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2018.  All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to inspiring and encouraging Christian Women through the Word of God.

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