“I know exactly what I want from a man, and I want a relationship on my own terms. I think I deserve that.” My friend made this declaration as if it were her greatest epiphany. For those of us who know her well, reconciling this bold proclamation with the on-again, off-again relationship she’s been entangled in for the past decade proved challenging. She seems determined to convince us—and perhaps herself—that she’s finally resolved to stop settling and being a passive player while he makes up in his mind about marriage.

God’s wisdom in Proverbs 4:23 (NLT) states: “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” This razor-sharp guidance offers a profound perspective on the significance of our emotional investments. It serves as a reminder that our heart, with its deepest desires and fears, shapes the trajectory of our lives. When we internalize this guidance, it changes how we think about the connections we make, discerning which ones nourish, and which ones deplete. We start to see the importance of protecting our feelings and being thoughtful about who we let into our lives.

Aligned Goals

Amos 3:3(NKJV) asks a crucial question that should make us pause before diving into emotional investments: “Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?” Our Father takes a very straightforward approach to the importance of examining common goals before establishing a relationship.  

Ten years is a long time to discover if someone’s life and marriage goals match your own. In reality, it shouldn’t take that long. Within just a month—or even less—someone’s actions, attitudes, conversations, and behaviors will reveal their true character. We should take this at face value and avoid expecting unforeseen revelations about this person to excite us, change our perception, or sweep us off our feet. Life is too valuable and time is too precious to deceive ourselves about this.

Settling because of fear

Loneliness can feel overwhelming, and it’s tempting to settle for any relationship just to avoid being alone. However, the Bible reminds us that God’s plans are always infinitely better than settling for less. Proverbs 3:5-6 encourages us to “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” This means that even when you’re feeling lonely, trusting God to guide you toward the right person is more important than rushing into a relationship that might not be right for you. Remember, fear cannot bring us into the blessing of matrimony. We must trust that God sees the bigger picture and has a plan that’s just right for our lives.

Our value to God isn’t defined by who we’re with. Psalm 139:14 (NLT) reminds us, “Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.” This shows that you are cherished and valuable to our Heavenly Father just as you are. Don’t let the fear of being alone push you into a relationship that will not yield a love built on God’s standard. You honor yourself when you trust in His perfect plan.

It’s not about blame

It’s important to remember that this isn’t about blaming others for not loving us according to God’s standard, nor should we fall into self-condemnation for accepting less than what we’re willing to give. Instead, the focus should be on strengthening our faith and deepening our relationship with God. By increasing our commitment to His Word and dedicating more time to prayer, we can build a stronger spiritual foundation.

2 Timothy 3:16-17 (NLT) tells us, “All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives; it corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work.” By immersing ourselves in Scripture and prayer, we equip ourselves to make choices that truly reflect our Christ identity, and our commitment to seek and obey God’s Will and Word. This spiritual growth ensures that we don’t settle for less than what God intends for us; it helps us to remain faithful and obedient towards His perfect timing.

God tells us His standard in Ephesians 5:25-26 (NLT): “25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.” This passage demonstrates that we are to be loved with the same depth of unselfish and unconditional love that Jesus Christ gives to his church. As women of God, we are called to also offer this profound, sacrificial love in our relationships. This is God’s standard for love, and by following it, we not only safeguard our own hearts but also position ourselves to receive the blessings of the marriage He has planned for us. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

“A Love Built on God’s Standards” written by Kim Times, edited by Fran Mack and KLizzie for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2024. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to inspiring and encouraging Christian Women through the Word of God.