1Thessalonians 5:11(NLT)
“So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.”
Imagine being friends with a man that you’re interested in, but you don’t think he’s interested in you in the same way. How do you handle this? Do you stop being in his company? Do you conclude definitively that there’s no possibility for something more? What if he meets someone else, can the two of you still remain friends? This can be very tricky and as women of faith, we must be careful and use discernment. 1Thessalonians 5:11 tells us that part of our responsibility to Christ is to build each other up. So, we should be very careful not to offend or harm our friend’s relationship with God by causing a mistake that could have been avoided.
I had a boss once that said to me that he never allows anyone to ride in his vehicle outside of his family. When I asked him why, he said it eliminates confusion and cuts down on unnecessary explaining when it pertains to the opposite sex. I completely understood his logic. It speaks to the culture and climate we’re currently living in. Taking a friendship outside its boundaries can create confusion and even more issues, especially in the workplace. When the affection is one-sided, jealousy, obsession, and anger can rear their ugly heads and put the other person in a very compromising position. These are real circumstances happening to real people.
Our Heavenly Father wants us to have fulfilling lives, and friendships add so much flavor and fulfillment to our existences. However, when it comes to relationships between men and women, we should walk in wisdom. Proverbs 3:13-15(NLT) tells us, “13 Joyful is the person who finds wisdom, the one who gains understanding. 14 For wisdom is more profitable than silver, and her wages are better than gold. 15 Wisdom is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her.” Platonic relationships between men and women are certainly possible, and many such relationships are common, but wisdom dictates that there must be some established boundaries that both people are committed to uphold.
Proverbs 27:17 tells us that iron sharpens iron. God teaches in His word that friends should help to keep each other sharp in God’s wisdom. They should help and not hinder each other spiritually. So, it is incumbent on all of us to have motives that are pleasing to God in our friendships with men, and to guard our hearts so that we do not begin to develop romantic feelings. Some might say, “You can’t help who you love.” That’s a very romantic sentiment, but sincerity is no guarantee for truth.
God is our Creator. No other deserves our greatest level of love more than He does. Jesus Christ commands us in Mark 12:30(NLT), “And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.” Yet, most do not love God in this way. They don’t love Him in this way because they consciously choose not to love Him. Jesus Christ gave us this commandment because the truth is that love is a choice. We choose who we will love, and we choose who we will not love. We have free-will, and we are in charge of our emotions; our emotions should not be in charge of us.
2Timothy 1:7(NLT) says, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” We were not created to be emotionally out of control. God has given us a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline, and we must have faith that we can operate in our friendships with men and women from a place of strength, Godly love, and self-control.
Amos 3:3 (NLT) asks, “Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?” This is really key when it comes to a friendship that might lead to marriage. As a woman, you must do some self-examination to keep your intentions aligned with God’s Will. We must be clear that God sends the right person for us, and He will let us know who that person is. So, when we develop feelings for a friend, the first thing is not to pray that God will make this man return your affection. God never oversteps our free-will. He does not force us to love Him, and He will not force someone to love us.
Some friendships with men do move from the platonic stage to ultimately marriage, but we need to always hear from God on this matter. If a male friend hasn’t given you any indication that you are anything more than a friend, keep strict to those boundaries. You will be in a much better position to navigate with peace and ease if you continue to be Godly and focus on pleasing our Heavenly Father. It’s a blessing to have good platonic male friends, and to also be a blessing in those relationships by maintaining boundaries and walking by the example of Christ. Understand that you can do this if you walk in wisdom. Only want what God has for you, and have faith that what is for you, you will not miss. ■
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
“A Friendship that Leads to Marriage”, written by Kim Times, edited by Reverend Fran Mack and KLizzie for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2023. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to inspiring and encouraging Christian Women through the Word of God.