Derek had the most tender heart of any man that I had ever encountered. I state this because he had been pushed beyond the limit of what anyone would consider a breaking point, yet he never reacted in anger or responded harshly. He was at his wit’s end when it came to Ashley, the woman that believed herself to be so in love with him that she had just about lost all reason. Derek had beautiful eyes and skin that looked so perfect one could imagine that if touched it would come off on your finger. He’s the kind of handsome you see in movies, but it’s clear he never thought of himself in that way. He had done a tour in the Army and signed up for the National Guard after his four years were up. Ashley was a hair stylist with her own shop, and he met her in the town where he had gone for National Guard training.
The two of them made a beautiful couple and one could envision them having beautiful sweet children that would be as kind and humble as their parents, but this was not to be. Derek received an opportunity to advance his military career; it was just too good to turn down. He would need to relocate to another state, and when the reality set in of all that this new chapter would mean, he realized in his heart that Ashley was not the woman he wanted to marry. He didn’t see a future for them, and he was more devastated by the thought of telling her this than anything he had ever faced in his life.
Derek called his father to seek advice, and his dad told him to just be honest and tell Ashley the truth. It was as painful as he thought it would be, but Ashley seemed to accept it at first. She couldn’t stop crying, but he walked away that evening believing he had done the right thing. Weeks went by, but Ashley was not all right. Even after Derek had done everything he could think of to help her get through the break-up, she couldn’t let go. She called him incessantly and would show up at his nine to five trying to get him to take her back; she even tried to sabotage the new opportunity he had received.
Ashley was asleep and didn’t know it. On the evening of Derek’s declaration of his truth, he exposed the lie she had accepted about herself, and Ashley woke up in a way that shook her to her core. She didn’t know it was possible for a human being’s heart to hurt as much as hers. Every waking moment felt like sheer panic, and the discomfort was overwhelming. In her mind, there was no way that Derek could be replaced. No other man’s love could be as kind and tender, she thought. Rationalizing that it was worth it, she placed her business in jeopardy, and almost lost everything she owned to try and get Derek back.
Several times, he considered giving into her pleas to give the relationship another try, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. This is because there are laws at work that are greater than even our best intentions. No matter how much we might try to ignore or fight against it, fear will always repel love. Fear will take us further away from what we want most. This is law.
Ashley was desperate for love. It is a state of being that is born from not fully understanding or knowing God’s love. And when we don’t fully understand or know God’s love, we cannot walk by faith. This gives fear the opening it seeks. Ashley believed Derek to be her everything, and this is a deadly lie that many women often tell themselves about a man. It is impossible for a mere mortal to occupy that space. Only Jesus Christ can be our everything, and he has earned this position in every way. Like many of us when we don’t know any better, Ashley taught herself to believe she needed a man to make her more than what she was. We like to give others the impression that we are too strong and independent to ever do this. But regardless of the front we want to portray, the truth is always found in how we respond to someone choosing to walk away from us.
The heart is the feeling center of the soul, and the heart also reflects our true motives for every action we take in life. God makes this clear to us in Jeremiah 17:10(NLT). He instructs, “But I, the LORD, search all hearts and examine secret motives. I give all people their due rewards, according to what their actions deserve.” He provides further clarity in the wisdom of Proverbs 24:12(NLT). It says, “Don’t excuse yourself by saying, “Look, we didn’t know.” For God understands all hearts, and he sees you. He who guards your soul knows you knew. He will repay all people as their actions deserve.” And He tells us in 1Kings 8:38 that He understands all hearts, and nothing we do is hidden from Him.
Some of us have been holding on to hurt from past relationships for many years, and it is keeping us stuck in neutral when we should be moving full speed ahead in God’s purpose. We are still mourning over what we lost, but our work is not done and our purpose in God’s Will isn’t yet fulfilled. When God looks at our hearts, He is expecting to see joy overflowing because of what He’s done for us through His Son, Jesus Christ. Heavenly Father sees our hearts fully and completely, and He doesn’t miss one detail about us. He looks at our hearts to see our true motivation. He sees whether we’re motivated from a deep and abiding desire to please Him or whether we’re motivated out of an agenda that doesn’t align with His purposes.
To please God, we must have faith, and faith in Jesus Christ is a joyous reality, the most joyous in all of eternity. And this faith should be expressed through love; Galatians 5:6 tells us this is what’s important to God. So many of us are motivated each day out of our desires for relationships with other people. We’re consumed with money worries and finances, or we’re obsessed with things that have no place in Kingdom business. None of these are life giving. We must accept the truth that we are wired internally to seek more of God through Jesus Christ, for this is what it means to seek more of life.
We are often misled by our feelings, and then we allow the motivations behind those feelings to give us reasons to indulge the wrong actions and behaviors. Obsession is desperation. It is a form of idolatry, and it is a great offense to God. In our hearts we think it’s love, but if we are trying to make a monument of another individual or their love, God has no part in that.
Real love comes from God, and we will undermine our blessings every time that we choose to rely on emotions and feelings of fear. It causes us to let jealousy, obsession, rage, and other heavies of emotional instability have the head seat at the table. This is a position that belongs to Christ alone. God’s love must be the motivation for everything we do, and He will help us to change our hearts so that we can learn to live every moment of our existence with a heart that is filled with the love of Jesus Christ.
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
“Understanding Real Love ” written by Reverend Fran Mack, edited by Kim Times for Sundie Morning Sistas ©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord! SMS is dedicated to inspiring and encouraging Christian Women through the Word of God.